I’m mentally ill. I was harassed at work and then things just got out of control. I’m depressed, filled with anxiety, traumatized and have lost any sense of self.
In the wreckage, I lost some people who were really important to me. But I’m isolated due to my own sense of shame and humiliation: I just don’t want people to see me anymore because I’m too embarrassed and so I’ve avoided nearly everyone and everything.
I don’t want to be alone. I feel loneliness more acutely than I ever have in my entire life. It’s hard. My mind goes places it never has before. I think about suicide regularly and sometimes living in the moment is excruciatingly painful.
It’s not just me. People like me are invisible because we’re hidden in our studio apartments. No one really knows we exist.
When I hear people complain about having to stay home for a few weeks, it just breaks my heart for me and the many people like me who have been living their lives in isolation.
I just thought I’d share this for anyone who now has the time to read it. I’m not sure what you can do, but I do wish you could just acknowledge our existence.
I can’t help but also think about the people who aren’t working, on disability or welfare. How many times have we called such people lazy? Well now you’ve been home a couple of weeks, is it worth it? Its fun for a few days, catch up on netflix or leisurely read a book, but after a while the lack of a life is painful, and I think it took you just a few weeks to get there.
Being alone and isolated is hard. It’s unnatural. But I do it because the alternative is too painful and the people who could have helped me let me down.
Just my story. Have you learned anything from being isolated?