I’m a football fan. Every year I play fantasy football too. I started watching football when I was a kid and when the Dallas Cowboys were winning championships. All these years later I’m still cheering on the Cowboys when championships seem like a long lost past.

I hate the Super Bowl. Two amazing teams are about to play, teams that we’ve watched all season long and all to get to this point. And all to have it ruined by military jets flown by assholes who like to bomb people and dumb ass pop acts that haven’t been relevant for at least a decade.

I could ignore all the militarism and bull shit patriotism by just showing up to the game late, its the halftime show that really ruins it for me. Right smack in the middle of the game we have to watch ugly old people lip sync in a mini concert. And for those of you who don’t know, halftime is usually not that long. It’s ridiculous! If the NFL had any respect for its fans they would contain the festivities to the pre and post game and at least give us the game that we’ve been waiting for all season long.

I want to see Richard Sherman and Patrick Mahomes, not Jenny from the block.

Just shoot me!