I’m hurting today. I wish I was strong enough to let go. I don’t know how people do that, just forget about the past. Friendships, relationships that have run their course. I feel the need to honour them in some way but very few people feel that way.

For me, it’s the height of cruelty to just ignore someone when they really need you. I guess I’m utilitarian that way. If just a bit of my time will make a significant difference in your life or just how your feeling, then I’m all yours. It’s not even a question for me.

Clearly something is wrong with me because most people don’t feel that way. They just live their lives and if your not needed than you get no courtesy.

I just don’t know if I can live in a world like that. Or if even I want to. It feels like everything is transactional and nothing stands for itself.

Really thinking about suicide. I feel so disposable. I feel like everyone hates me and thinks I’m worthless, and I don’t want to fight it, I just want to say “okay, you’re right” and die.

I did my best but I guess that doesn’t matter.